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I am currently unavailable* and out of contact with my office.
I will be contactable again from around the 12th May. If you try and burgle my house while I'm gone, please be aware that I have left my brother-in-law, cat, sister-in-law and lots of infectious germs at the property, all of who will willingly devour you. There are also Landmines around the site and one of my neighbours has been periodically authorised to sniper anyone seen on the grounds. The security camera's give me live feedback and are directly connected to interpol so you are advised to wear a balaclava before approaching, if you want to make it to Christmas alive.
Thankyou for you email.
* I have been unavailable for about 10 years, in-case you didn't know.